Extinction Rebellion used to meet in the basement of my job. I never went. I left that job and moved on to a better paying, larger institution deeper in the belly of the beast. They fired me a month later. The old gallery closed too, and I don’t know where Extinction Rebellion meets anymore. I’m sure I could find out.
On the weekend I party in parks, on beaches, and down the stairs. During the week, I struggle to pay my bills because I spend my days “helping” people. Most of them don’t succeed. I’m in the largest institution there is, yet I’m powerless and I can’t get any deeper. I’m a cog – of course I’m doomed to fail.
“As our own chief executives, it’s our obligation to make our own lives better,” Luigi said in his manifesto. “The recoil of the gun – did it sting, down his back?” asked a Twitter user. Nothing is black and white, we know this, but right and wrong are still opinions we form. What he did to me was wrong and cruel. What he did was right and necessary. These can be both be true. It’s really up to you.
I go to Miami to feel the harshest sun known to man. Nobody gets sunburned like I do. I go to Miami to see the people I see each weekend in New York, eat the same meals, and feel the same, unbearable, all-consuming existential dread. I’m not doing enough. I don’t love enough and I don’t care enough. I write it in my journal over and over like a maniac who forgets his name: A new place doesn’t make you different. Only you can make you different. I’ll be in LA in a few weeks.
I want to change the world. I really do, and it makes me pathetic. What have I ever successfully changed? Tires, my clothes, and one time I hit somebody. I don’t do that anymore. I don’t cheat anymore. I don’t steal anymore. Maybe one day I won’t get my hopes up anymore. Maybe one day it’ll all be different.
Luigi is going to be murdered. Do the people get this? An eye for an eye is perfectly balanced. Strange thought I rarely have – is balance realllllly what we need right now? It’s certainly not something we’ve ever had at the macro. Luigi is going to be murdered and I feel deeply for him, because Luigi wanted to change the world and we are united in that goal. Luigi can’t anymore, but I could.
This is the part, at the end, where I say I have not killed anyone, do not intend to kill anyone, and would not kill anyone even if they were my enemy. The high road is going somewhere. So is the low road. There’s definitely some mid roads. Who’s gonna get there first? And how slippery is the slope?
Genuinely, I am holding space for Paulette and her family. It’s not black and white. That’s the problem with world changers. They work in Technicolor and tend to leave collateral damage. Maybe that’s why I haven’t changed the world. Perhaps my world isn’t colorful enough yet. If I can get there, where will I be then? It might be awfully scary. Is Luigi is scared of himself right now?
Editor’s Note: I COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT THIS BEING THE THIRD DEAD PETZ SONG ON HERE. THAT ALBUM WAS UNDERAPPRECIATED BY SOCIETY. SO I SHALL APPRECIATE IT NOW. MYSELF.